midweek confessions - mostly mommy issue

thanks e myself and i for the link up!

- we have a rock star of a sleeper baby.  i know we are lucky, and may never be this lucky again.. to be able to sleep through the night, it's a gift.  still, instead of being grateful, i find myself worrying that tonight might be the last night sweet charley sleeps without waking up.  or that if i tell one more person how lucky we are, that is what will end our streak of luck.  i don't even believe in "luck." waste.of.time.

- i usually go to bed before fly boy.  some nights, especially if i am in any kind of cranky, grumpy or selfish mood, i purposely sleep in the middle of the bed, hogging both pillows.  i know it drives fly boy nuts to come to bed to a warm pillow, and yet, i do it anyway...i love having that much more surface area to roll around and find the coolest spot.  sorry babe.

- lately, i have had a horrible case of wedding envy.  especially wedding dress envy.  it started with my future sister-in-law going wedding dress shopping, then was magnified by a friend's wedding a few weeks ago.  talk about beautiful brides.  don't get me wrong, i LOVED our wedding.  it was perfect.  and i am thankful i do not have to go through the planning again.  so obviously, it is a good use colossal waste of time to be searching dozens of designer wedding dress sites on a daily basis.

- i was dreading flying home to syracuse for our little vacation.  and now i am dreading flying back.  charley and i flew when she was only six weeks old, but my mom flew with us both ways.  i had to fly by myself with charley on the way up.  it wasn't too bad, she loves likes her ergo enough, we only had one stop, and she slept most of the second leg...but here i am, having an internal freak-out session every time i start to think about packing again.  fly boy will even be with me.  now i know why parents of babies/newborns don't travel very often.  also, i want to be the "i have it all together, this is no big deal" mom that isn't worried about flying with a five month old.

- tonight i went to dinner with some friends.  it was the second time in charley's life that i didn't put her to bed myself.  i was on the verge of tears the entire drive to dinner.  ridiculous.  then, when i got home and charley was long asleep, i went in to check on her, knowing full well that she was likely to wake up.  she did.  she cried.  and i somehow felt better about myself knowing that i still got to "put her to sleep."  attachment issues?  i think so.

- tomorrow charley will be 5 months old.  today a month ago, i started to worry out about her 1st birthday party.  today, i had the thought while brushing my teeth, "i only have SEVEN months to plan her party!"  someone, please...help me.  i'm turning into that mom. 

- i think that 30 minutes in a pool is 75% as good as a bath.  at least for charley.